I've read numerous articles and blogs about the importance of relationships in life. Having great relationships helps us lead a more satisfying and happy life. When I think about relationships, I think about the many different kind of relationships we may have in life. We may have relationships with fellow students while in school with the common thread of school and school activities. Then move on to work relationships with coworkers and business associates. We have relationships with family, friends and other people we meet along the way. We have relationships that are church, club or other organization related.
This post will focus on relationships with neighbors. I grew up with my two sisters and parents on 26 acres out on a little gravel country road in Texas. Our closest neighbors were about a quarter mile away on their own 50 acres. Prior to that we lived in a trailer park for a year or so and I remember being friends with two other kids in the park and playing with them some. I was probably about 5 or 6 at the time, so the memories are a little fuzzy. In the trailer park I remember a neighbor who had a pristine lawn with a sign that said something to the effect of "stay off". There was an elderly man in the neighborhood, Mr. Wilson, that would have us kids in for popcorn. Now that I'm older and wiser, I wonder about Mr. Wilson's motives were with his friendliness towards young kids. I hope he was just a grandfather type who loved kids in 1970.
Our country neighbor, Tom, that was a quarter mile down the country road and was a great guy. He was married and his kids were grown. We saw him all the time running up and down that country road in an old Toyota pickup. He loved fishing and took me on many fishing trips. He would stop by the house often and drop off ready-to-eat catfish and was just an all around good man. He took the time to take me fishing and allowed me to fish in his pond on his property. He acted the part of a grandpa at the time. My dad would help him with anything he needed and Tom would help my dad any way he could. You couldn't ask for a better country neighbor.
Over the years we have moved around and lived in many different neighborhoods. When our kids were young, we usually lived in neighborhoods with similar aged families and kids. In one neighborhood, every nice evening would find several families, on the street, outside in lawn chairs watching the kids play. All of us enjoyed the time outside and enjoyed seeing each other at school functions and neighborhood social events. The neighborhood had a pool and we would see neighbors frequently at the pool. Other neighborhoods, that we have lived, found us barely knowing our next door neighbors. It seemed everyone was too busy to socialize and stayed inside when they were home.
Our current neighborhood is full of people our age or older. There are very few kids playing around unless someone has grandkids over. Most appear to be retired and take great care of their homes. We have met some great people on our street, behind us and in the neighborhood. Our neighbors across the street recently moved and have their house up for sale. Another neighbor a few houses down is about to sell and move into a retirement center. So, we will be seeing some transition on the street.
We know our neighbors, but aren't super close to them. A couple of them have stepped into our house, but we haven't really had any over for a party or dinner or anything. When our kids were young, we had Halloween, Christmas and other parties and enjoyed them very much. I know we need to reach out and build a closer relationship with a few of our current neighbors as they will probably be our neighbors for years into the future. I always come up with excuses of having too much to do, or it is too hot to visit in the backyard, or some other lame excuse. I need to just invite a couple over, have a coke and visit.
Our neighbor behind us is a Vietnam Veteran and is widowed and would have some great stories to tell, I'm sure. Our next door neighbor is a widow and probably would like some company and someone to talk to. Again, my wife and I need to make that effort to reach out and build those relationships. We need to get to party planning!
How close are your relationships with your neighbors? Do you have frequent meetings, parties, etc. with them? Do you have any neighbors that are also great friends? Any advice to share in building relationships with neighbors? And for fun, any of you have any horrible neighbor stories?
Where I live is the longest I have ever lived in one place since birth. So I guess it is no surprise, that I consider my current neighbors as the ones I know the best. We have an annual neighborhood garage sale where we all work and sell our excesses for two or three days. I have learned a lot about my neighbors over the years during those days. We interact with them occasionally during the rest of the year but mostly dropping off something they might need or picking up something we need. This time a year, I have been dropping off our garden excess to some of our neighbors. However, we all have our separate circles and so don't have parties or meetings with them for the most part. Most of our neighbors are a generation older than us and I know some of them do regularly get together but I don't mind not being invited since we are younger and have school age kids, the only ones on our street. I expect if we stay long enough, we might do group things with others of our generation as they move to our street and we get to know them.
ReplyDeleteThe generational difference is a big deal with social gatherings I think. It sounds like you have a typical relationship with your neighbors.
DeleteOh, for good neighbors. I've lived in this rural community for most of my 67 yrs. Or as one old fellow replied when asked if he's lived here all his life - not yet. Some connections go back 3 generations. I babysit a young neighbor whose dad I consider like a brother. Our dads were friends. The young couple who rent my mom's house down the road - his great grandparents used to visit with my parents. The young couple just helped me haul firewood. Unfortunately, such ties are fading as the older generation dies off. Like you, I do feel a responsibility to connect with the new neighbors.
ReplyDeleteWow, you have some very long term connections in that neighborhood. If you stay in one place long enough you do see the changes of people leaving the area for jobs, health or death.
DeleteWe moved to our neighborhood when we were a young family in our early 20's. We raised five kids here and knew every neighbor since they either went to school with our kids or were on one of the kid's paper routes. Eventually the kids grew up and people moved. I have two neighbors who remains a good friends. Then one January night we had a house fire on the cul de sac by our house and a family of three lost their lives. I knew them to say hi, but not much else. There was no way to call anyone else, we didn't know each other. For Lent that year I baked pies every day and delivered them to my neighbors along with a card with my name, address and cell number if they ever wanted to call. And then I started a neighborhood facebook page. We mostly complain about trash pick and loose dogs, but it has introduced us to each other.
ReplyDeleteYou sound like an awesome neighbor! I haven't seen a house fire and the tragic loss you have. We have had a next door neighbor die of a heart attack and one behind us die of cancer. We usually reach out to any incoming move ins and will do so again once the house across the street sells.
DeleteI am not super close friends with my neighbors but have a big social network of family and friends. I like your idea of reaching out to the Vietnam vet and the widow. To make friends I usually suggest having a coffee or tea together.
ReplyDeleteI like the coffee or tea idea and will give it a try.
DeleteI love my neighbors. I live in a 55+ neighborhood and on beautiful days we will gather in the middle of the street and just chat...men and women, sometimes even children. I believe we are happier and maybe even healthier when we have neighbors that matter.
ReplyDeleteIt looks like you have a great neighborhood set up! I'm sure you are happier and healthier than those who do not have such relationships.
DeleteInteresting that when we lived in Illinois, we knew a LOT of our neighbors and often had get-togethers at each other's houses. We were in a very close neighborhood. Here in Hawaii, we don't have that same connection. We are all very friendly and certainly help each other when we can, but it's not the same. I wonder why. Perhaps because in Illinois, families were very spread out so we spent more time with our neighbors instead. Here in Hawaii, homes are filled with multi-generational households so we're all busy with taking care of our own families. I don't know... Good question.
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