Daddy Went To Prison Today!

 "Daddy went to prison today!" This was a statement that my son made to his teacher of his kindergarten class many years ago. The teacher approached my wife when she picked him up from school that day and asked if anything was going on at home that she should know about. My wife responded that everything was good, "Why?". The teacher explained that our son had told her that his daddy went to prison today. My wife laughed and explained that I was a law enforcement officer and had indeed gone to prison that day to interview a prisoner. They all had a good laugh and now we have a funny memory!  

  retirement, I have looked back at my career and admit I had a very interesting and fulfilling career. I began my government service as a city mail carrier and did that for about 5 years before becoming a Postal Inspector. During my mail carrier time I suffered hot days, freezing days, crazy customers and a dog bite. I then began my law enforcement career as an Inspector investigating federal cases involving mail theft, mail fraud, robbery, burglary, internal worker's comp fraud and much more. I interviewed numerous prisoners and soon to be prisoners during my career and had many interesting cases and crazy stories. 

I began college thinking I would be a CPA, but after my first accounting class I decided I couldn't do that for the rest of my life. You have to remember that this was in 1984 and accounting was basically done by hand with a pencil and numerous accounting ledgers! I could probably handle it much better today with a computer. I switched to a finance major and graduated with a Bachelor of Business degree. After being persuaded to take the postal test in 1985 by my postmaster father, I was hired on as a city mail carrier and finished up my degree at night. During my carrier time, I found out about the Postal Service having jobs of Postal Inspector and the rest is history. 

During my career as a Postal Inspector and then as a Special Agent I was involved in car chases, foot chases, search warrants, etc. There was never a dull moment. One car chase made a TV series called The Real Stories of the Highway Patrol because the chase had been terminated by a trooper doing a pit maneuver that went perfectly. I also ran across numerous characters on both sides of the law. I once interviewed prisoner David Hammer at the McAlester State Prison in Oklahoma for his role in  corresponding to women through the mail and scamming them out of their money. Hammer later rose to fame in the OKC Bombing case in which he claimed McVeigh had confided in him many facts about the case. 

I was able to work on many interesting cases over the years. I was part of a task force that took an independent look at the Waco, TX fiasco at the Branch Davidian Compound. Our group was asked to cull through evidence to determine if a certain caliber bullet was fired during the siege. We sifted through many barrels of evidence of ammo casings in the search for truth. I also experienced the OKC Bombing first hand with my office being across the street. I was there at the time of the bombing and was involved in recovery operations for the post office we were located in. I also experienced the anthrax attacks of 2001 which resulted in deaths, including postal employees, from anthrax mailed through the postal service. The months after the initial attack resulted in non-stop calls from customers and postal employees regarding white powder found in mailboxes and postal facilities. All Postal Inspectors at the time were responding night and day in response to this scare across the country.

On my side of the law, I was exposed to humorous characters throughout my career. One rural county deputy comes to mind as I will always remember a saying of his during an interview of a suspect. He and I were interviewing a young guy for knocking down mailboxes in his county. The suspect wasn't too cooperative until the deputy told him if he didn't start being truthful "the only thing that is going to beat your ass to jail are the headlights on the bus". I almost laughed during that interview. Another rural county deputy was being briefed on our plan to conduct a controlled operation in which the suspect would pick up a package of drugs at the post office while we watched and then stopped him. In reply to a question of "What if he takes off?" from a member of our task force, this particular deputy advised "I will shoot his tires out". The problem was that he was serious about it. After advising him we weren't going to be shooting out tires, the operation was successful with no shots fired. Another local character always teased us when we arrived to coordinate an operation by stating "Why are the stamp police here, did someone forget to lick a stamp?. He thought he was funny!

There are many interesting careers out there in this world. We all see the glamorous careers that are depicted on a thousand TV shows that include police, fire, law and medical. There are certainly many more interesting careers that don't have their own TV show. I would imagine the person who fixes cell phone towers has stories to tell. The garbage truck driver has stories to tell. The cable repairman has stories to tell. I'm sure most every career has it's share of experiences and humorous stories. 

Did you have an interesting career that you can share? Do you have any funny anecdotes to tell us about? I remember reading Reader's Digest magazines in the past and reading anecdotes from the military in one regular monthly section. In retirement, do you look back at your career with a smile on your face and think "That was a fun ride!"? 

And...for those out there contemplating a new life of crime, remember "The only thing that is going to beat your ass to jail are the headlights on the bus!".